We’re visiting the grandparents, and we arrived Sunday night to a beautiful home-cooked meal prepared, as usual, by Santa Maria’s father. He served roast chicken, stuffing, asparagus, and corn on the cob.
The corn might have been out of season, but it was very popular. Nina and Pinta gobbled it up. Nina sat across from me, and as she struggled to get the buttered kernels off the cob, she had her elbows on the table.
We’ve been teaching the kids manners, and this caught the attention of Pinta, who called out, “No elbows on the table.” I saw Nina struggling and said “Elbows are allowed on the table when eating corn on the cob. It’s a little known rule of etiquette, that when you eat something with your hands, no rules apply.”
I made that up, of course, but it sounded good. Later, I second guessed myself, so I did a bit of research into elbows and table manners.
- According to a post on The Sydney Morning Herald’s site: “The great houses and castles of England during the middle ages did not have dining tables in the great halls, so tables were made from trestles and covered with a cloth. The diners sat along one side only; if they put their elbows on the table and leant too heavily, the table could collapse.”
- Something called AllSands (“Over 7000 Grains of Knowledge & Counting…”) concurs that the rule dates back to the Middle Ages, but it suggests that it came about for different reasons: in those days everyone ate cafeteria style, at long tables, side by side, and if you had your elbows on the table it meant that one less person could fit there.
- And an entry on Amazon’s Askville adds this: “In France, the general rule is, and not just at meal tables, keep your hands in view. I suspect the reason for this so that there can be no suspicion of any type of hankypanky under the table!"
After I looked around a bit, I felt that making something up was the right approach. What do you tell your children about table manners?
This is a good one!
Of all my husband’s wonderful qualities, the guy has bad table manners: elbows on the table, open mouth chewing (due to sinus trouble, but still gross!), not waiting for others to start, the works! It bugged me a lot when we first started dating. And then I ate with his family. The light went off, “Ohhhhh noooowww I get it. You really do learn this stuff (or not) at home!”
I love him and his family madly so I overlook it.
But with our little guy I work on helping him and my husband’s manners have improved greatly. At school they tell us to focus on one thing at a time so the kids (and their dads?) don’t feel totally overwhelmed and under attack. So one night it will be a reminder to chew with lips closed, another night we’ll just tackle elbows. I believe the important thing is to do it with love and consistency!
Wow! Thanks for sharing. Your tip to deal with one thing at a time is a good one. For manners, and many other thing!
I was married to a man with poor table manners. I never got used to it and was always carping at him…not the stuff good marriages are made of. My current husband has impeccable manners which were pounded in him by his mother. If he’s eating alone in a tent at midnight, his napkin is on his lap, no elbows or open mouths and always the correct utensil. He puts me to shame. If manners are pounded into you (figuratively speaking) as a kid, the protocol will stick and will serve them (your children) well later in life. A well mannered person in our contemporary society stands out like a flower in the desert.
yes, manners are a good marker. Indeed. Its one of the reasons we want our kids to know whats what.
Just wanted to add that Germany also goes with the “hands in plain view” custom.